


Immortal Insanity

by svtstarlight



Category: 2NE1, AOA | Ace of Angels, B.A.P, Boyfriend (Band), EXO (Band), Infinite (Band), Miss A, Orange Caramel, SEVENTEEN (Band), SISTAR, SS501, Super Junior, U-KISS, VIXX, f(x), zhou mi - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, and multifandom cuz reasons, basically crack, but not all kpop idols, they're all immortals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 06:58:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8276903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svtstarlight/pseuds/svtstarlight
Summary: This is based on a tumblr post (link in the notes below...) The idea I had was that the groups are made up of immortals (not all kpop idols; some are, some aren't). Only all of a sudden Hakyeon gets this message that he's wanted on a conference call just as Leo storms in, slamming the door and disappearing off to who knows where...And he answers the call, and it's some of the other leaders (I was thinking of Donghyun and a few of the other leaders) and Donghyun could be like CAN YOU GET THAT BRAT OF YOURS TO STOP THIS INSANITY. Since Hakyeon clearly has no idea what's going on, he's informed that Jaehwan and a bunch of the others have suddenly popped up out of nowhere when they weren't supposed to, and what is he going to do about it? And that oh by the way, it was Jaehwan's idea... They have to call poor Ryeowook to get him to get Heechul to stop messing around etc. cuz they've called Kyuhyun who is all munching the metaphorical popcorn and watching the show, so to speak and couldn't give a shit, like the git he is. *evil grin*And so that was when I wrote this... thing. Or started to, anyway.  It's gonna be long, and hopefully crackish. *grins* :D





	

Taekwoon was quite happily minding his business, having sat down after buying his usual coffee at his local coffee shop, when Amber slid into the seat opposite his, a sly smirk on her face. 

“What?” he asked mildly when he noticed her expression, not sure he really wanted to know, but knowing she wasn’t going to give up until she’d spilled all her dirty secrets. She was good at that. “What do you want?”

“Guess who’s just resurfaced again?” she grinned, bouncing in place and her smirk widening as Taekwoon’s eyes narrowed. “Come on, guess. And the first ten don’t count.” 

“No. NO!” Taekwoon put his hand out in front of him as though that would ward off the bad news. “Please tell me he didn’t.” 

“I did say the first ten didn’t count, didn’t I?” Taekwoon could tell Amber was enjoying this to the hilt, and it left a sour taste in his mouth that even his favourite latte couldn’t get out. “He did. Lee fucking Jaehwan popped up on the internet again about two weeks ago…” 

“Fucking Jaehwan….” Taekwoon got to his feet, his latte forgotten on the table. “He just doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone!” He looked down at Amber, his expression blank. “Who else knows about this?” 

“Oh, the usual gang,” she shrugged, the grin firmly in place. Taekwon knew from experience that Amber was pretty unflappable as they went, one reason why, no doubt, she’d been the one to tell him and not someone else. “I suggest you do something about it before it explodes in his face, though. It’s starting to get noticed in all the wrong places…” Amber got to her feet as well, her mission accomplished. “Tell Hakyeon before it does your head in…” 

Feeling Amber pat his shoulder as she left, Taekwoon was stunned for several moments before he left as well, the only sign either of them had ever been there being the forgotten latte, sitting forlornly on the table, half drunk. 

 

Chapter ONE

 

The first sign Hakyeon had that there was anything wrong was when the front door slammed open and then closed, the whirlwind that was Taekwoon stalking through the living room with a face like thunder - not much unlike his normal resting bitch-face, Hakyeon had to admit, though one look at his eyes had even him shrinking back in fear - without giving him a chance to say much. 

“Taekwoonie!?” 

Hakyeon half scrambled to his feet and then thought better of it at the remembrance of the expression in the younger man’s eyes. No way was he ready to face Taekwoon when he looked like that. He’d done it once, centuries ago, and that had been one too many times. Shuddering at the unwanted memory, Hakyeon was startled out of his reverie by a ping from his phone. Who was calling him now? 

A quick glance at his phone told him it was a conference call as well, between so many leaders and other higher-ups of other immortal groups that it started to make Hakyeon’s head spin. Why did they all want to talk to him, and at once? It seemed ominous, especially coming after Taekwoon’s little outburst. Picking up his phone, Hakyeon sighed as he warily accepted the call. 

“Hakyeonnie?” Looking around warily at the overly-sugared tones Raina was using on him, Hakyeon couldn’t help but wonder if they had cameras on him somewhere. It was highly unlikely (Hongbin or Hyuk would have found them long ago, if there had been any. Whether they would have told him was a matter of some debate, however…), but he still felt strangely like he was under scrutiny and he didn’t like the feeling. 

“Raina-noona,” he replied, greeting everyone as neutrally as he could. “Sunbae-nim, to what do I owe this… pleasure?” Shifting on the couch to try and get comfortable, Hakyeon was worried, his sense of unease growing at the silence at the other end(s) of the conference call. Finally one of the other leaders spoke and it wasn’t one he expected to hear, given the names on his caller display. 

“You haven’t been keeping up with the latest news, I take it?” Donghyun murmured, a note of frustration in his voice. Hakyeon could hear a commotion on the line that could only be members of Donghyun’s group of energetic misfits and he winced. “You need to do something about Lee Jaehwan, Hakyeon…” 

“Jaehwannie?” Hakyeon was perplexed. What had he done now? “I haven’t seen him in over a month. Not since he moved out…” The younger immortal had claimed he needed space, that he was being stifled having to live with the others, even though it had suited him quite well enough for the centuries they’d been together. “Do I really want to know what he’s done?” 

“I think it’s more a case of you need to stop him, and get the rest of our members back from his bad influence,” Junmyeon murmured, and Hakyeon could imagine the shake of the other man’s head as he spoke. “You know we’re supposed to be careful with how we do these things to avoid being found out…” 

“Yes,” Hakyeon replied slowly, still not quite sure he understood where they were going with this. He already knew just how charismatic Jaehwan was and how many of the others were willing to fall in with whatever harebrained scheme he had cooked up at any given time. “So what has he done, then? Just tell me…” 

Through the conversation with Junmyeon, the commotion from Donghyun’s end grew louder and more distinct, and Hakyeon could hear a few titters coming from some of the others as they heard what was going on, and a groaning sigh from Donghyun. 

“Let me go!” They could all hear Minwoo shouting in the background, and Hakyeon wondered what exactly was going on. While the youngest being restrained from doing anything was nothing new to any of them, quite what this had to do with the current situation… “You’re just jealous! You want to do the same thing, admit it,” Minwoo was grumbling. “Ken-hyung has the best ideas. You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first.” 

Oh no. Hakyeon didn’t like the sound of this one bit. 

“Donghyun-hyung said you’re not allowed to use the computer until he’s around to supervise you,” Hyunsung replied firmly as Hakyeon could hear more snickers from the others on the phone, and sulking from Minwoo. “Now shut up. He’s on the phone and you’re interrupting…” 

As though nothing was going on behind him, Donghyun continued where Junmyeon left off. “Your Jaehwan has apparently been setting up immortal conspiracy websites under our noses for the past however long, and using them to publicly keep track of himself and his alter egos since this internet thing has been going on,” he explained, and Hakyeon instantly paled. “And he’s been encouraging certain others to do the same…” 

“Not only that,” Dara went on, sounding far too amused for Hakyeon’s sanity, “but he’s created several sockpuppet accounts on these social media things, posting up a storm and getting so much interest that it’s starting to make waves… And you know how these things get…” She paused as though searching for the right word. “Go viral, I think the term is these days?” 

Groaning in despair, Hakyeon sank further into the couch, one hand over his face. No wonder Taekwoon had been in a rage. He must have found out about it somehow, though why he hadn’t seen fit to tell him about it before storming off… 

“Just how many has he roped into this stupidity?” he asked in a faint voice, not entirely sure he wanted to know. “And just how do you expect me to stop it? As I said, he hasn’t been living here for over a month now, so I can’t exactly take away his internet privileges or anything…” 

As U-KISS’ Soohyun helpfully gave him the (too) long list of those affected by Jaehwan’s antics, Hakyeon could feel himself growing angry. Why hadn’t anyone spotted this before now? After all, the internet was hardly new anymore, and several members from each of the groups were internet-savvy and could have easily found out and stopped it before it got this far. When he said as much, everything grew uncomfortably quiet again until one of the younger leaders spoke up, his voice quiet. 

“Actually, quite a few of them knew about it all along and didn’t tell us,” Namjoon said, sounding ashamed. “They thought it was funny…” He sighed. “They didn’t think it would go this far, though.” 

“How did you find out about it, then?” Hakyeon asked pointedly. “And how did you know it was all down to Jaehwan? He’s not always the one who starts shit, y’know.” 

“No, but…” Namjoon was floundering and one of the older leaders took pity on him. 

“Actually, it was Amber who told us,” Raina said evenly, a shrug in her voice. “I think she realised that it had gone too far, and it was time to let everyone know just what was going on, and who was behind it all. Before it got too big to stop.” 

Before anyone could say anything, they could hear a thumping noise and a yelp, and then Donghyun’s voice. “Sorry,” he murmured apologetically. “Minwoo won’t be a problem for the foreseeable future.” 

Luna, Krystal, Jimin, and Mina laughed, though the others remained quiet, knowing just how difficult it could be to deal with headstrong younger members of their groups. It was different for the girls; they could be catty, but as far as the boys knew, their arguments never became outright physical fist-fights. 

“Amber told me, and I told Raina-unnie,” Luna said, as though it made all the difference in the world, though to Hakyeon, it made no difference at all. “She told everyone else, and we’re now telling you.” There was a small pause before she continued, her voice a little quieter. “And someone needs to talk to someone else from Super Junior, because Kyuhyunnie, the little shit, refuses to do anything.” 

“That’s Kyuhyun-oppa to you, Luna,” Junmyeon murmured primly through Jimin and Mina’s snickers, and Hakyeon could practically hear the apathetic shrug down the line as Luna replied. 

“Whatever, Junmyeon- **oppa** ,” she said, putting emphasis on the honourific to make her point. “He doesn’t care, and neither do I…” 

To keep them from bickering, Hyungjoon cleared his throat and everyone fell silent. As the most senior of all the leaders and others present, he was the one they all had to listen to. 

“Anyway,” he said. “We’d appreciate it if you could deal with Jaehwannie and make him stop. I don’t care how you do it. Just… do it. And if you need help, of course we’ll be there for you…” He ignored the uproar his offer caused and continued to speak, forcing everyone to be quiet in order to hear what he had to say. “So now, who are we going to approach from Super Junior, keeping in mind this is Heechul we’re talking about? Who is he most likely to listen to? And also Zhou Mi, who is less likely to be as much of a problem as Heechul, but still needs to be talked to...” 

Several of the others snorted. “Not Jungsu-oppa, that’s for sure,” Krystal muttered under her breath, though not so quietly that she couldn’t be heard. “Nobody ever really listens to him.” She ignored Junmyeon’s outraged spluttering. “You could try Ryeowookie-oppa. Heechullie-oppa would never hurt him. Everyone loves him too much to do anything to him… And Zhou Mi-oppa adores Ryeowook-oppa. He’d listen to him for sure.” 

“So, now that we have a plan, who haven’t we heard from?” Hyungjoon said thoughtfully, and sifted through the murmuring that began with his words, sounding amused when he finally made his choice. “Sunggyu, you can approach Ryeowook, along with Bora, Suzy, Fei, Yongguk, Jimin, Mina, Seungchul, Jeonghan…,“ he paused for effect, “and Hakyeon.” 

“Hey,” Hakyeon said, sitting up straight on the couch, outrage in his voice. “I’ve been participating in this from the beginning, and I have to sort out this nonsense with Jaehwan. Why do I have to talk to Ryeowookie-hyung too? Don’t I have enough to do?” He was ready to tear his hair out as it was. He didn’t need this too, much as he adored Ryeowook and normally looked for any excuse to see the older man. “I don’t want to do this.” 

“Consider it your punishment for not keeping a closer eye on your boys, Hakyeon,” Hyungjoon said smoothly. “Especially since Sanghyuk knew all about it and didn’t say a thing.” 

What!? Hakyeon stiffened with anger, only the fact that he was still on the phone with the others keeping him from finding the younger immortal and dragging him out to face whatever evil punishments he could come up with on such short notice. But when he was done, both Jaehwan and Sanghyuk were going to wish they were not immortal, that was for damned sure. Hakyeon would see to it, and then when he was finished, he knew Taekwoon would take over, and then they’d wish they’d never been born. 

“Fine,” Hakyeon conceded with a sigh, though unhappily. “Just tell me where and when…” He was going to make sure he wasn’t alone in this; he was going to drag Taekwoon with him, come hell or high water. 

Eventually hanging up the call when it became clear the official business was now over and the rest of them began to socialise, Hakyeon just barely managed to restrain himself from throwing his phone at the wall in a fit of anger and instead, tossed it on the coffee table in front of him as he struggled to think of appropriate punishments for both Jaehwan and Sanghyuk.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this tumblr post](http://cabeswatar.tumblr.com/post/151555252327/cityelf-concept-an-immortal-who-doesnt-shy) and where they're all immortal, but not all kpop idols.
> 
>  
> 
> Group list: (in order of seniority)
> 
> ('Team Ken'; trolls/enablers) leaders/those who have to clean up the mess...
> 
> SS501 (Jungmin)  
> Super Junior (Heechul, Zhou Mi; Kyuhyun) Involved: Ryeowook, Yesung, Sungmin  
> UKISS (Kevin; Eli) Soohyun, Hoon  
> AS/Orange Caramel (Nana) Raina, Lizzy  
> 2ne1 (CL; Minji) everyone  
> f(x) (Victoria; Amber) everyone  
> Infinite (Woohyun; Myungsu) Sunggyu  
> MissA (Jia; Min) everyone  
> Sistar (Hyorin) Bora  
> Boyfriend : everyone (*special case: Minwoo is a would-be 'Team Ken' but got caught before he could do anything)  
> BAP (Himchan; Jongup, Zelo) Yongguk  
> EXO (Baekhyun; Jongdae) Suho, Kyungsu, Xiumin, Yixing  
> VIXX (Ken; Hyuk) everyone  
> AoA (Choa, Yuna) Jimin, Mina  
> BTS (Jimin/Jungkook; Taehyung) everyone  
> Seventeen (Hoshi/Jun; Wonwoo, Joshua) Seungchul, Jeonghan


End file.
